30 Days 30 Layers - Day 1 | Start. Stop. Continue

I'm a few days late starting this, but I've decided to take part in 30 Layers 30 Days, a self discovery challenge with GG over at All theMany Layers to dig deep within myself and learn more and grow more. I'm very excited to be doing this challenge, even if no one else ever reads it, I'm sure it will be a great way for me to get in touch with myself, my feelings and all that good stuff.

Start...

Being a stay at home mom who also home schools, I want to start setting aside time for myself to be by myself, doing things especially for me. Whatever it is that I choose to do, whether it's go to a solo movie, the park, the library, wherever...anywhere. I think I've become so wrapped up in being a wife and mother that I failed to take care of me. Like most wives and mothers, I've put everyone and every thing before myself for too long, and it's backfiring and resulting in a crabby mood, snippiness and a bit of depression.

Stop...

I want to stop allowing things to happen that hurt me. Whatever it is, or whoever dishes it out. I want to stop being Ms. Nice Lady and start putting my foot down and setting boundaries and actually following through with the consequence that I attach to those boundaries.

Continue...

I not only want to continue, but I need to continue growing closer to God. I find so much peace when I seek His face, and I see myself growing into a better wife, mother and all together woman of God. I want to be a vessel for Him, and I know that He has a purpose for me. But it's up to me to seek him so that His purpose may be revealed.

Stick around ladies...and gents? This is going to be good....

30 Days 30 Layers - Day 2 | Joy Snatchers

If we're gonna talk about Joy Snatchers, I could have a days long list for you...

Some of the major joy snatchers in my life are gossip, trust issues, unforgiveness, the fact that I'm a sensitive person who has her feelings hurt very easily, and on and on. But if I had to narrow it down to one, which I do for the sake of this challenge, I'd have to say that still dealing with hurt from my past, and trying to hurry along the healing process is my biggest joy snatcher.

There have been many things in my past that have hurt me, crushed me, and bruised my very soul. A lot of those things I still have a daily reminder of till this day, which makes it even harder for my wounds to completely heal. I mean, how can a physical wound heal if it is constantly being ripped open over and over again? It can't. The same goes for my emotional wounds.

It's not that I don't want to be healed and not have flashbacks or to be bombarded with things that leave me no choice but to relive the pain, betrayal and all of that; because I do. But at this point it just doesn't seem possible. It's not in my power to change some of it... that which I can, would have or has been... but there are things that I cannot change and get rid of that still rock me to my very core when I'm faced with it.

I don't think the pain will go away, as long as I have to face it on the regular. I really just have to try my hardest to leave it in God's hands, and pray that he gives me comfort in my time of need and sorrow. Everything happens for a reason... I'm not sure what the reason is for this joy snatcher, but I truly hope that I find out so that I can be   f r e e...